It is what it is.

Meeting with my supervisors tomorrow. I’m a mix of excited and nervous, but I’m glad to be finally starting! My meeting is at 11am, but I’m leaving my aunt’s house around 8am-ish because it takes about an hour and a half to get to the city from where my aunt lives, and I’m allowing time for myself to get lost, miss the bus, eat a hotdog, etc. I’m gonna have a long day tomorrow, but I’m so excited to see what’s in store :).

oh, and housing, please come thru for us? Thanks :).

You. 

Fucking.

SUCK.

Kameron and I looked at the apartment we wanted to rent out and we fell in love. Too bad we’re competing against 3 other folks. We need good vibes and, more importantly, we need this apartment!

NY, you have been bringing me all sorts of emotions, ups and downs. Stop that ;)

can I get my financial aid already?! Damn. 

… that I have HELLA shit to do before I leave. Like, HELLA. I need to start making my days at home more productive, ‘cause since I’ve been here I have just been trying to set plans to see folks and soak in the city before I head off. I have a few days left and this is what I still need to do:

• FIND HOUSING
• see grandma
• unpack/re-pack (sort through the stuff I brought)
• buy stuff I’ll need
• pepper spray/switchblade shopping with papa
• put my stuff in storage
• Carson for Kri’s graduation party
• Brunch with Taz and Domes Monday
• visit with Cat’s parents
• clean my car
• conference call with supervisor in NY

and all before Monday night because my flight is early Tuesday morning. I think I might have to skip out on some things, but I would really hate to. 

NY in 4 days. HOLLA.

I’m so anxious right now. I think it’s mostly because I’m afraid that what I plan to take with me back to SD won’t all fit in my car. The other part is that I don’t have housing for NY yet. If all my stuff doesn’t fit, I have no idea what I’m going to do cause I’m pretty sure I’m maxed out on leaving stuff at folks’ places. Aiyaaaaa! I’m flustered and anxious, and I still need to go to the mall to get clear studs. 

*kawawa*

I’m taking a break from packing so I can figure out how all this shit is gonna fit in my car, and to see if I can actually leave some stuff here that I won’t really need. I should have started packing EARLIER, but we all know how that goes ;). Anywho, CONGRATS c/o 2010!!!! So proud of all of you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to all the grads. Also, a special congrats to my cousin Roelle, who just graduated from UCSB this past weekend :).

So everyone keeps asking me if I’m excited to go to NY, and if I found housing. Honestly, at this point, I’m soooo scared. In the midst of wrapping up my last few days at work, watching the seniors graduate, saying “good-bye” to folks who went home, and talking about what I’m going to be missing this summer/fall, I didn’t actually realize how long I’d be gone for. And, since I don’t have housing, I’m almost freaking out :(. I am excited to be in someplace new and experience a different coast, I’m just scared. Normal right?

Anyway, getting back to packing. holla at me if you’d like to help/watch/discuss what I can store at your place ;)

I’m having one of those “It is what it is” moments. 

Random, ‘cause I have a lot on my mind.

Thanks to my friends ‘cause they’re helping me out more than they know.

Forreal tho. SUPER ANXIOUS. Exactly 2 more weeks ‘til the big move to NY and no housing. With the added stress of finals, packing, working, moving my things, and going home I feel like I’m about to be a wreck… soon. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super fucking excited, I just think I’d be more relieved when things start falling together. I called my mom earlier tonight was told her I’d be home a day later than anticipated and she was all “You know your grandma is going to be mad right?” Yes, I knew it. I don’t see my grandma for MONTHS at a time, even though she lives about 20 or so minutes away from my parents’ house. I don’t see her much mostly because I don’t remember the last time I was home for more than 9 days. Every single time I go home I always have to play taxi cab for my sister, or run errands for my parents or take care of stuff that I can’t do in SC. I do make a point to see her once or twice while I’m home, but honestly it’s hella hard. My grandma always reminds me that I never visit anymore and that she never sees me and I always have a short visit. It’s cool though, I know I’m her favorite, and if I know my g-ma, she says that shit in a jokingly-but-forreal-I’m-hella-serious way. I miss her, and I already know she’s hella mad I’m going to NY for 6-months.

I feel like my study habits this quarter are HELLA better than previous quarters (minus Winter and Spring 2009; I miss my study group!). Anywho, I’ve been cranking out papers, poems and presentations early, and I find that I am fortunate enough to have time to take it slow and actually study for my AMS final. I’m still pretty shaky on my AMS stuff, but damn, I feel way better this time around than I did last quarter. I feel like I have more patience for this stuff. I still hate math, I’m just better at it this time (more or less). It kinda helps that for the past couple days I’ve been staying up til about 6am doing shit. My sleeping pattern is HELLA off, but my shit’s getting done. 

Lately, people have been irritating the shit outta me. Why? I don’t know. I think it’s because I’m so anxious. Or maybe people are just being stupid shits that have no consideration for folks, or know how to treat people. Period. This mostly goes for work and a few random folks I run into during the day… and to some folks I know. But for the most part, I don’t know why I’m getting easily irritated. Ehh, it’ll pass. 

I’ve also been thinking a lot about the seniors graduating this weekend. It’s hella crazy that they won’t be here anymore, and that I’ll be the fourth year. I don’t know how I feel about that. I think I’ve been telling myself not too think about it too much. Mostly because I know I’ve gotten so close to so many seniors that it’s hard to think that they won’t be around to kick it as often, or look out for me when I’m falling off as some of them have done for me. Anywho, I was looking through old pics, and I came across this one and I was HELLA sad.

My first ever KAMP Family: Looney Toons. By far the best family I have been in, and so blessed to have know each and every one of the folks in the picture (as well as some other members that weren’t there). I fell outta touch with a few, but got super close with most. I <3 my LT fam, and I’m super sad to see my seniors graduate this year. I owe this family a lot :). And for my other seniors: <3 you.

Ahh, I wanna buy shoes. I’m in that mood again. 

Oh, something that has been really irritating me lately: when folks talk to their parents hella disrespectfully. I may not know your situation and I am guilty of doing this also way back when, but folks need to wise up and realize what they have. I’m envious of the folks whose parents call them to check on them. The ones who can call their parents and ask for money when they need it, or ask for advice. For the folks who have parents that are willing (and able) to help them out when they need it. Nowadays, I just hate it when I see people talk and treat their parents disrespectfully. I guess it’s because I’ve lost most of my connection and support from mine from being away. But forreal, show your parents you appreciate them and be thankful you have what they give you, even though you may not want it. 

Shit, this was longer than I thought. So yea, back to studying. Final in 8 hours. G’luck!

OH! and if you read this all, thanks :)

3 more weeks before I’m at the SD airport getting ready to leave to NY. gahhh the excitement! Honestly, I’m actually freaking the eff out because I have yet to find any housing :(. That’s the only thing I have left take care of besides my finals and shit. Wish me luck, ‘cause I don’t know what else I could do to get housing.

To Do list for WEEK 10:

• OAKS 73 Revise Poems for portfolio
• CMMU 102 Literature Review (goal is to turn it in June 3rd!)
• AMST 127 finish paper (almost done!)
• AMST 127 in-class final
• AMS 11B last hw assignment
• AMS 11B final
• LOOK FOR HOUSING 

down to the home-stretch, gonna start packing these suitcases and boxes soon…